Got my panties back

Thank god, I am finally out of the diapers. I never thought I would see the day when I was glad to be wearing panties but holy shit it feels so good to be back in them. My skin can breathe! I can move freely! It almost feels strange to sit on a toilet again, and I don’t have to spend half an hour showering every time I need to go. I can’t believe I went through that for so long.

As a final humiliation, before ending my diaper sentence Miss handed me a pillow and told me to hump it in front of her until I came. It took a while, not only because it’s so hard to get any sensation that way but also because it was about the least erotic situation possible. Like trying to come while doing math problems, there I was wearing nothing but a diaper and humping a pillow in front of her like the most depraved pervert. 

The humiliation was intense, which was probably the only reason I was able to climax. And when I did she was cracking up laughing. As the endorphin wave subsided the sickening realization of how humiliating it all was washed over me, and made me want to throw up. What have I done? My sense of self has been totally destroyed.

“That’s perfect,” she said, smiling widely. “My little pillow humping loser. I think it’s the perfect way for a piglet like you to get himself off. When you come without permission, even in your chastity, that is just your way of taking control back. And I won't have that. You can't have that, it's no good for you.

So if the sexual tension gets to be too much, instead of breaking your rules and trying to be in control, I want you to come to me or pooch and beg for some pillow time. OK? If we're in a good mood and you've been a good boy we'll take off your chastity and put you in your diaper, so you can have a supervised hump. I think that's a much more appropriate way for you to relieve the tension, don’t you?”

I closed my eyes and said what I had to, despite not wanting to say it. “Yes, Miss.”

“Yes, what?” she asked. I knew what she wanted. She wanted me to beg for it. To internalize it, so she could destroy me methodically. I didn’t even put up a fight.

“Yes, Miss. I will beg you for pillow time instead of getting myself off from now on.”

“Good!” she said, smiling. She had won that one much easier than she was hoping for, and couldn’t contain her amusement. “In fact, if you’ve been really good then I might even squirt some lotion in the front of your diaper first. Won't that be nice? It will be almost like having pussy again... Well, OK maybe not. But I bet that would feel really nice, right?”

The shame of her words and the knowledge that I invited all of this cut straight through me, right to the core. 

“Thank you Miss.” was the only possible reply. And that is how the last vestige of my dignity was ripped away.